Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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