Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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