Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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