I must be too annoying 4 u.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
