after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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