you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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