woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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