all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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