someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
