Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
