I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
