you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
