Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize