Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize