my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
