Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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