I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I believe in your delicious
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
