goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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