she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
