so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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