there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I want to be your penis for a week.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
