I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
