If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
