how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
