My nipple is on Facebook.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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