Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
