yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize