I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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