p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I got her a Nickelback box set.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
