The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I had to cum in my sink.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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