I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize