she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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