So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
this hospital has no fireball
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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