Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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