how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
