sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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