There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
