I want to have your abortion
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
