doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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