You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
