There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
