where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
