Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
