haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
