May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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