Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize