She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
that may or may not have been my penis.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
