ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
