I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
