Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
