Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
