I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
