Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
