4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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