I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
