From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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