I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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