So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
