thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
