based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it was like eating out sand paper
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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