i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
