Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
