Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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