hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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