In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
