I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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