So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
