I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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