If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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