WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
