Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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