Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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